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Bank holidays and Baby showers.

Good Afternoon All.
I hope you are all enjoying a Pain free bank holiday and able to enjoy the beautiful sunshine.
I have had a pretty busy Bank holiday so far. With working in retail I do end up working a majority of the bank holidays. This one however I have been very lucky! I have managed to swing 2 of the 4 days  off. Yesterday I had a wonderful day with my sister-in-law at her baby shower. As I have mentioned in previous posts I have a rather large family. I  have 9 nieces and nephews already and have 2 more due in 5 weeks time. The shower I went to yesterday was for my new nephew. Its the first baby shower I have ever been too. It hasn't really been a big thing in England until recently. I have to say I really enjoyed it, apart from the baby food tasting game yuck! 
Usually at these kind of things I get really nervous. I feel this way because bringing life in to this world is a wonderful thing that I am unable to do. From a very young age I knew that one day I would be a mother. I knew it the way you know that one day you will get old. In my dream I would be happily married to an amazing man who would be so happy when I told him we were going to be parents. Our children would be perfect and our whole world would be about them.
I know that in this world our dreams don't always work out the way we planned them. I know that sometimes our dreams change and evolve over time. The thing I have difficulty understanding is that this dream hasn't changed or evolved, its been taken away from me. Stolen by an illness I cannot control. 
Don't get me wrong, This isn't a woe is me piece. I just wanted to explain the reason I get so sad and angry when I am surrounded by all things baby. No matter how happy I am that I get to be an auntie to another amazing little boy or girl, I still get that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach reminding me I am not able to do this myself. So, what do I do. The only thing I can. I push down those feelings and replace them with love and happiness for my family and friends. I keep on smiling and wishing that science will one day give me the chance to tell someone I love that I am pregnant. 

The rest of my bank holiday weekend is going to be spent chilling in my pjs and catching up on some of my tv shows I am way behind on. After an 8 day straight with work and a bad pain week I think I deserve some R&R. 

Wishing you all a great week ahead.

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