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Stay Strong Beautiful

I finally have my new Mac!!!
I am so happy, you never realise how much you miss something until you don't have it. 
So much of our lives revolve around 24 hour communication with access to this via mobile phones, tablets, computers and the rest. When a part of that chain is missing it feels like our link to the outside world and family has broken. Silly really when we managed so well without it for so many years. 
I am definitely part of the new world generation! I couldn't do what I do every day without it. 

So Today has been a long one. After a day of pain I decided to get an early night with a hot water bottle (yes in this weather!) and some strong codeine to top up my pain meds. Usually this would mean a night of deep unmovable sleep, this time however that wasn't the case. A restless night with an early wake up call meant I wasn't in the best of moods....... I also woke up to the same agonising pain I had fallen asleep with. With that and a full days work under my belt I am about ready for a hot water bottle and bed again!
I wonder some times if all women with Endometriosis and PCOS have the same problems? Do they have the same terrible pain? Do they get the same mentally draining tiredness that they cannot seem to control? Do they feel like they are less of a woman because they can't bring children in to this world? Do they fight to have a successful career that isn't impacted by their disease? and most importantly Do they hide all of this from the people they love too?

*WARNING THIS IS A BIT MUSHY*

I am lucky and have an amazing family who care very much about me. I grew up with loving parents and 4 amazingly caring older brothers who have now married and given me 4 wonderful sisters too. I have a tribe of beautiful nieces and nephews who i love unconditionally and who give me so much happiness I don't think I will ever be able to repay. I really couldn't ask for more love and support than I already get. They are always there when I need to moan, talk or cry. They live with me having to break plans, spend days in bed and know exactly when I need to be left to myself to just get through a day. I am thankful for them every day but sometimes I hide the pain I am in. I hide the depression that comes hand in hand with these illnesses. I hide the anger and frustration I feel at not being able to live the life that I want too. I hide these things because I love them, because I want them to think I am strong, that I am more than just endometriosis. I hide all this because if I didn't I believe I would break! I truly believe I would crack and I would never come back from it.

So how do I deal with this..... I fight every day! I work on making my days better, stronger, happier. I work, I get through my days with a smile and I stay strong not letting the pain and tiredness get to me. I learn to share bit by bit and trust that if I do crack, If i do break my family will be strong enough to pick me up and put me back together.
I am not there, I am a long way off but I work every day to get there.

Stay Strong and Smile.


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